you know, 'fat in the can'?

Today I just can't get comfortable - it's like just being in my skin is driving me crazy. Why? The answer is the same as every other question in my life: because I'm fat.

It's important to note here that I am not one of those girls who bitches and moans about how fat they are when it's clearly obvious to everyone else that they aren't. I am one genuine enormous Fatty McFattington... and it's as plain as the nose on my face. That being said, I don't look quite like Hurley from Lost. At least not yet.

I actually used to be quite thin - as a kid I was nothing but skin and bones. As a teenager I had a normal, healthy figure but I was convinced I was an elephant because it seemed that everyone else was thinner than I was. It was when I started going to uni that I lost a little bit of weight because I had a more active lifestyle and used to walk to and from my casual job a few times a week. Once those 4kg mysteriously disappeared without me noticing it was the start of the end for me. That was in 1999, and I don't think there's been a single day since then that I have had a healthy attitude towards my own appearance. Without going into all the details (I'm sure it's obvious what they would be, and I'm probably not the only one here who has been there) I did alot of stupid, stupid, stupid things to try and be perfect. And here I am - extremely far from it.

The sad part is that every time I thought I was fat - up to a certain point - I wasn't. I just kept thinking it for so long, and really believing it, until it became true. But no friggen more. I am not going to end up here, at LargeFriends.com, I am going to fix this once and for all. And then I'm declaring war on the magazines with this freak on the cover:

I started to think it was never going to happen, but ladies and gents, I am back. The house now gently hums with the soothing and satisfying forcefield of ADSL. The world is now at my fingertips once again! Now, time to look for bug porn.

I was mildy outraged last week when I saw a segment on the news about an intellectually disabled man who had fallen out of a ferris wheel, probably somewhere in America. The poor guy hit a fair few of the wheel spokes on this way down and was not seriously injured, so we all knew it wasn't all that bad. However, I changed the channel and saw an ad for another news program, with the following voice over: "A terrifyied black teen falls from this ferris wheel - will he survive?"
WHAT THE FUCK? Is it just me, or is it actually wrong to use a serious news story as a teaser? How about: "The White House bombed in a tragic terrorist act. Who'll make it out alive? Also, will Ryan be able to face his past and tell Marissa how he really feels?"

Speaking of TV, how much do I love House? Shitloads! I think I have just about reached my limit of shows I can committ to - I am trying to decide whether Grey's Anatomy or Numb3rs should fill the last gap in my programming schedule. So far we've only had 1 episode of the former and none of the latter so I'm not able to make an informed decision. I suspect that the medical drama will win out over the crime drama, considering so many years of Law & Order has burnt me out. Big Brother is just about finished - 3 more days before the winner is decided. We're now down to Tim the Nerd, Greg the Twin and Vesna the Whinger. I thought Vesna was my pick for the win but her whining has just tipped me over the edge into Tim/Greg territory. I think I'm backing Tim for the title. Quite fortunately just as BB comes to an end, Idol is starting so I don't have to suffer any gaps in my reality TV supply which may have led to withdrawals.